Every day is a mess. I tend to bring things in different direction than I am supposed to. I mess up with my relationship. I find it hard to focus on what I have. You see I lose hope on me. I wanted more. And I ended up as the person I don't wanna be with.
The change I wanted was not the things I needed. I need love, true love. But I kept pulling away, because I don't know whats real.
My relationship with my boyfriend is not ideal. We fight over vert small things like who gets to eat first or why stay long inside thr rest room. I dont see future on us. But everytime we decided to end things we end up hugging each other on our sleep. We used to be each others comrade. We used to talk everything even the tiniest bug he touched and how stink.
The chances we had are falling into pieces. I missed every inch of him, the talks, the laughs, and all the time we are happy. I wish it could have been different.
They say in a relationship with a baby is different from just a relationship. And I agree. It was way different.
After the baby we lose focus on each other. We forget how it felt being inlove with each other. We look forward on the weekly milk allowance, the bills, the food and more. But not us. And sometimes I felt like i was cheating in my mind. I have ideal someone. I want more. I kept wanting for more and I forgot. I wish it could have been better.
I love our baby so much, he was the only reason why i keep on holding on. He was the only chance for me to love life a bit more. Out of all the things i wanted that i can no longer have he will be the reason why im staying. If i could have both.
The chances i took are worth it maybe love was not for me. Maybe the love was after all the baby. But i will forever be thankful.😘
Tuesday, February 3, 2015
Chances
Monday, December 15, 2014
GoodLife
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Thursday, November 13, 2014
Listen
I want to thing about the things that i've done and the things that I want to do but recently i'm out of nowhere. I have no want to talk about what I really feel. I'm in a relationship with my boyfriend and the father of my child but I can't talk to him. I can't get angry of him. I'm forbidden to make him see how I feel. It's not healthy and i'm not happy. I want to speak how I feel. I want to make things, or do things or a lot. But you see I can't. He has never welcomed the lost girl in me.
Last night was supposed to be a very busy night for me. Making props and fixing materials for the seminar today. Yet he choose to just let our baby walk around, get involve on what im doing and him just sit at the corner watching movie. He always say he supported me, and I didn't feel a thing. Every time im with the group he just sit and talk less or talk nothing. He looks grumpy or mad. I don't see support on that. I want to be happy and helping others make me happy. On the other hand he wants to but he don't see any good on what I do. How ironic. He wants to help with money, if he have money. People dont need money to learn they need their inner self kicked and be awaken.
Clifford is someone I learned to love. He was a friend. We rush things over to a relationship that we are too grounded to open things. I think I deserved to be listened to.
Last night was supposed to be a very busy night for me. Making props and fixing materials for the seminar today. Yet he choose to just let our baby walk around, get involve on what im doing and him just sit at the corner watching movie. He always say he supported me, and I didn't feel a thing. Every time im with the group he just sit and talk less or talk nothing. He looks grumpy or mad. I don't see support on that. I want to be happy and helping others make me happy. On the other hand he wants to but he don't see any good on what I do. How ironic. He wants to help with money, if he have money. People dont need money to learn they need their inner self kicked and be awaken.
Clifford is someone I learned to love. He was a friend. We rush things over to a relationship that we are too grounded to open things. I think I deserved to be listened to.
Wednesday, August 20, 2014
A life changing prayer
This is gotta be really weird. Well, I have to write an article for an application for a freelance job. After hours of thinking, I finally decided. Let's go back 3 years ago.
I was a sales/customer/technical agent at Wipro BPO in Cebu, had a long distance relationship with my not so long time boyfriend of 2 years. We went through a lot of struggles since its the first time we are separated after years of living together, literally. I came from a broken family. My mom moved out and lived with this sister couple of months before I left for Cebu. So it was the first few months of hell for me. It was reality though, my new life.
I had to think forward and live everything back in Negros for a change. A change that I knew would never happen. I love my family so much (and who doesn't? right?). Well, my birthday is approaching and my parents will visit me, separately! Of course my boyfriend came to see me first since I was hospitalized days before their scheduled visit. He stayed for 2 weeks or more. We decided to have a baby 3 months ago. September! And sadly, we got no luck. It's time for him to leave since my mom will arrive today (December 16) a day after my birthday.
Mom's here and this better be good. We left for Simala that's 3 hours drive from the city. A place where miracles happen. A place where people ask. A place where sick are healed. A place where nature lives. And since its my birthday, my time to wish.
A month after I knew it was answered. A prayer that changed me, the prayer that changed the people around me. I knew I was then going to be happy. I was almost 3 weeks pregnant. I never knew that it will be answered right then. It was a blissful feeling that somehow my life will never be the same. From the late night outs, to the drink till you drop and being a one day millionaire to a sleepless worthy nights and save everything for the future. I knew right then that I will be loved. The 9 months of pregnancy is not that easy. I suffered a 8 month bed rest due to an ovary problem. But it was all worth the rest and money spent. I gave birth through a Ceasarean section to a very healthy baby boy. Though the struggle was tough and painful it was all worth seeing him smile.
God never is delay. He is in his perfect timing. He gave ma someone who will love me though good and bad times and will stay with me to forever. I have someone I call my own. My remedy and my happiness. I didn't expect that my birthday wish came true, no pixie dust or fancy smokes needed. A prayer from the heart. A prayer that I will never forget. A prayer that God answered. The prayer that will forever change my life.
I was a sales/customer/technical agent at Wipro BPO in Cebu, had a long distance relationship with my not so long time boyfriend of 2 years. We went through a lot of struggles since its the first time we are separated after years of living together, literally. I came from a broken family. My mom moved out and lived with this sister couple of months before I left for Cebu. So it was the first few months of hell for me. It was reality though, my new life.
I had to think forward and live everything back in Negros for a change. A change that I knew would never happen. I love my family so much (and who doesn't? right?). Well, my birthday is approaching and my parents will visit me, separately! Of course my boyfriend came to see me first since I was hospitalized days before their scheduled visit. He stayed for 2 weeks or more. We decided to have a baby 3 months ago. September! And sadly, we got no luck. It's time for him to leave since my mom will arrive today (December 16) a day after my birthday.
Mom's here and this better be good. We left for Simala that's 3 hours drive from the city. A place where miracles happen. A place where people ask. A place where sick are healed. A place where nature lives. And since its my birthday, my time to wish.
A month after I knew it was answered. A prayer that changed me, the prayer that changed the people around me. I knew I was then going to be happy. I was almost 3 weeks pregnant. I never knew that it will be answered right then. It was a blissful feeling that somehow my life will never be the same. From the late night outs, to the drink till you drop and being a one day millionaire to a sleepless worthy nights and save everything for the future. I knew right then that I will be loved. The 9 months of pregnancy is not that easy. I suffered a 8 month bed rest due to an ovary problem. But it was all worth the rest and money spent. I gave birth through a Ceasarean section to a very healthy baby boy. Though the struggle was tough and painful it was all worth seeing him smile.
God never is delay. He is in his perfect timing. He gave ma someone who will love me though good and bad times and will stay with me to forever. I have someone I call my own. My remedy and my happiness. I didn't expect that my birthday wish came true, no pixie dust or fancy smokes needed. A prayer from the heart. A prayer that I will never forget. A prayer that God answered. The prayer that will forever change my life.
Friday, January 24, 2014
A Purpose Driven Life - Day 1
DAY 1
"for everything, absolutely everything, above and below, visible and invisible. everything got started in him and finds its purpose in him."
Colossians 1:16 (Msg)
Points to Ponder
Consider your dreams. Clarify your values. Set some goals. Figure out what you are good at. Aim High. Be disciplined. Believe you can achieve your goals. Involve others. Never give up.
"Self-help is no help at all. Self-sacrifice is the way, my way, to finding yourself, your true self."
How to do less in life - by focusing on what matters most.
You were made by God and for God - and until you understand that, life will never make sense.
"Obsession with self is these matters is a dead end; attention to God leads us out in the open, into spacious, free life."
Focusing on outselfs will never reveal out life's purpose.
Without God, life makes no sense.
Reflection:
Life is about making others live. We may not get the point but its as simple as "WE ARE SAVED, TO HELP OTHERS".
Monday, October 7, 2013
My dream wedding will always be a dream
I'll forever be alone. And my dream will always be a dream to walk down the aisle and live happily ever after. You see there is no happy ending, you wouldn't waste money over nothing. My life is a mess. But that doesnt stop me from dreaming. Dreams are free. So here are some photos I grabbed online for my very impossible dream wedding.
So here!
My Wedding Cakes!!! hahaha
Instead of luxury cars, I want to ride into a motorbike. Cool!!
I want my groom to wear the same sneakers as I do! And yes! I want to wear sneakers on my imaginary wedding day!! Triple cool!!
Making it unique, I want this hard boiled egg for an invitation.
To make the promise last forever?(choked) I want it engraved. (pwe)
And the only people I want for my wedding are those who are there with me ALWAYS and not for socials only. I want my family complete with my grooms family. Like an ordinary dinner at the beach.
A kiss while the lanterns are floating. AWWWW
I love tulips and I want tulips for my bouquet!
Elegant and consevative look. This dress is perfect with my converse! Hahahaha
ALONE TIME!!xoxo
My dream wedding will always be a dream.
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