Tuesday, February 3, 2015


Every day is a mess. I tend to bring things in different direction than I am supposed to. I mess up with my relationship. I find it hard to focus on what I have. You see I lose hope on me. I wanted more. And I ended up as the person I don't wanna be with.

The change I wanted was not the things I needed. I need love, true love. But I kept pulling away, because I don't know whats real.

My relationship with my boyfriend is not ideal. We fight over vert small things like who gets to eat first or why stay long inside thr rest room. I dont see future on us. But everytime we decided to end things we end up hugging each other on our sleep. We used to be each others comrade. We used to talk everything even the tiniest bug he touched and how stink.

The chances we had are falling into pieces. I missed every inch of him, the talks, the laughs, and all the time we are happy. I wish it could have been different.

They say in a relationship with a baby is different from just a relationship. And I agree. It  was way different.

After the baby we lose focus on each other. We forget how it felt being inlove with each other. We look forward on the weekly milk allowance, the bills, the food and more. But not us. And sometimes I felt like i was cheating in my mind. I have ideal someone. I want more. I kept wanting for more and I forgot. I wish it could have been better.

I love our baby so much, he was the only reason why i keep on holding on. He was the only chance for me to love life a bit more. Out of all the things i wanted that i can no longer have he will be the reason why im staying. If i could have both.

The chances i took are worth it maybe love was not for me. Maybe the love was after all the baby. But i will forever be thankful.😘

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